pandora’s box opened jst for u...

FM’08: Big fat Chidu’s day

2008-03-01T15:55:00.000-08:00

It was ‘the’ day of this month, and Chidu did not disappoint, in fact he just went over the board to shock and surprise us all. I was watching the budget closely, was on a vacation sitting in my comfy bed and just going through motions of this being yet another boring long speech giving nothing much to call “breaking news”

...but just then did I hear right… loan waiver… he just declared a 60,000 crore in cash to banks to settle the burden of farm loan waiver… breaking news… no… not really… we need something big than just this usual news jargon…

chidu had hit the bull’s eye for the aam aadmi party

cars, 2-wheelers, ACs, income tax slabs, loan waiver… wow the ace man of cabinet had given sonia madam led UPA to have something to campaign for if not get back to power…

urban – rural bharat being taken care of well but what I saw was sensex still falling down… ok yes no change in corporate income tax… and new tax too … so in short, this budget was a shot in the arms for sonia madam and the battle lines were clearly drawn for the fight for kursi…

but ‘one thing’ that will hit them hard in coming days will be the rising prices of commodities … inflation …

...yeah FM did seem concern by this and sonia ji will soon have her hands full right and left … rit?

From GOdown to GodzOWN

2008-02-12T23:26:00.000-08:00

Raj Thackeray has thrown in the kitchen sink with his remarks on north Indians and the government has its hands full grappling with the issue but IF the kind of revolt going on in Mumbai and parts are anything to go by and copied up in other states then there is a bath tub waiting for the centre (Delhi) to contend with…

...Here why… all states in our vast nation have been named either on regional or geographical basis… if you think otherwise … then lets start with Gujarat, Tamil Nadu, HP, AP, Haryana… ok and UP, MP certifies the geographical claim… (Guess) only the etymology of Kerala is a matter of conjecture… BUT its only Maharashtra, meaning 'greater nation' stands out… SO… if the outstanding state is to do away with all ‘outsiders’ and this act is followed in other ‘ordinary’ ‘poor’ states…

...THEN what happens? …

The financial capital will be crowded with unemployed youths (unskilled too); Bollywood will be split and end up like orange minus pulp… ‘coz there will be no Khans, Big B and co as they are not Mumbaikar…same will happen to the ‘well administered’ state of Gujarat and that too with the Gujaratis getting the least possibility of job in their state (as per a recent suvey), Modi will have a hard time ‘administering’ then…

...Orrisa, Bengal, TN will be having more labourers in their state than the actual work there… Nagaland, Assam, Arunachal Pradesh will have more grads working in Tea estates, joining Maoist gangs…Karnataka, AP will end up have more farmer suicide and the glory of Bangalore and Cyberabad will be buried alive in this shame…

...BUT there will be one state which will emerge as the power house in this crisis – KERALA … imagine all the brains working in various states now and occupying the top spots in MNCs, IT, Media, Retail, Pharma… all coming back to Kerala… all the Nairs, Menon, Thomas and Jacob all on their way back to Godzone… then the state ain’t going to be more of a tourist spot but a state of supreme talent of highest order… the political clout will rest not on head but in tail… and soon it will not be just a state to visit in the 50 must see list but will be one of the only states to which will have anything to showcase in India…

So Raj and other who try following such act better be careful of the Kerala snake hiding in the grass… rit?

Raj is right but Thackeray is wrong

2008-02-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

'Shun Shanghai turn to Mumbai' once the mantra that one used to hear as one in range of ‘India Shining’, but now it is very much clear that like the latter one Shanghai dream too is a distant dream and now there is no Mr. Advani to give us all a confirmation of that but a Mr. Raj Thackeray…

...And how? Well as per this Thackeray Maharashtra should be made clean of ‘outsiders’ and the definition of ‘that’ has changed with time, from the lungiwallahs of 60’s to north Indians of today…

...This may in hindsight maybe a publicity stunt of a leader who is trying to garner some attention prior to elections… more so being neither in the Shiv Sena clan nor able to create a niche for himself there was no better way to earn a name then an all out attack on the national icon – Mr. Amitabh Bachchan…

...All this hallgulla just because he never got invited to Ash-Abhi wedding whereas, Uddhav did… of course, when you nearly worship the ‘Angry Young Man’ and even name your son Amit and then found yourself sidelined then such remarks are expected out of a ‘fan’…

...But the response that has followed his remark has left all in a state of frenzy… BUT also gave food for thought… after all Mumbai is now being dumped with ‘outsiders’ and the state is not up for such an inflow… the politicians are not helping matters with legalizing the slum areas, in a city which is nearly 50%+ under slums… so in a way MNS concern are justified, BUT the manner in which the party went ahead is ghastly…

...Perhaps, the heart of Raj is passionate about Mumbai and Maharashtra pride, but his head is working in league of his ‘big pal’ Thackeray… the same old trick of gaining ground through invoking a sense of cultural pride in being a Maharashtrian… but numbers don’t match up for this Thackeray’s raj…rit?

Thunder Down Under

2008-01-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

Have seen “Kolkata’01”, the “Adelaide magic’03” and then the “Pertquake’08” happened. Even though we just have a handful of cricketing moments to cherish, the “Perthquake’08” will be etched in the memoirs of one and all…

...this win was important for many reasons, not only the team had to halt the record 17th consecutive Test winning streak of ‘the invincibles’ (one more time), but the win was important to keep our dignity and restore our pride…

...this win was important not just for what happened in the five days play but for what led to this passionate display of cricket from the ‘Men In Blue’… what happened prior to this test… where the famous ‘monkey’…err maa ki… episode happened…

...the episode that led ‘Jumbo’ to say that "only one team played in true spirit of the game"… the win was thus one the team owe to themselves and to the nation at large…
And none was more relived then the skipper himself, "I’m delighted that the team got together and did that. It’s probably the best win we’ve ever had, at home and abroad."...

...and to sum up the emotionally charged victory, one saw ‘the Turbanator’ run to the ground with the tri-colour… we did lose the series but definitely won the hearts… rit?

Vote ka saudagar

2007-12-24T10:13:00.000-08:00

It was an election, which was a Modi versus ‘rest’ and at the end Modi bhai was flaunting his chappan kee chati whereas the Congress ended with egg on its face. Modi win confirms that Gujarat is for BJP what Bengal is for the Left – a saffron bastion. BJP with this win has now dominated every election in the state over the last 12 years...

...even though it was an election in which there could have been only one winner but Sonia Gandhi’s maut ka saudagar statement did add the much-needed spice to the election. Soniaji presented Modi with an opportunity to raise the emotional pitch of the campaign, and Modi did make the maximum of the given opportunity and play a winning second innings...

...it was not that Sonia madam is made a sitting duck that would be understating the impact that BJP made in this election. Not only did the party fare well in the riot-affected areas (Kutch, Saurashtra and South Gujarat) but also increased its vote share in the tribal belts of Southern Gujarat...

...projecting himself as a good administrator and promising a corruption free state, Modi now has created a niche for himself as a ‘leader of masses’ but to extend his number of feathers in his cap and become a national leader he will have to do what Mayawati couldn’t do – make impact outside his home state...

...he is on his way to be the heir apparent after the real Hindutva poster boy, LK Advani as the man for the top spot, but the naqli sardar has a long way to go before being crowned the king of India... rit?

Goslips better than real lips

2007-10-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

Now a survey confirms what we already know and believe in that gossip is more powerful than truth…

...yes it is so very powerful in a sense of influencing our thoughts and our decision making process…we believe wat we hear through grapevine even if they have evidence to the real ones…so for us a kareena kapoor with saif is better than she being with shahid…we would like to hear that our tuition teacher might tell us the important Qs coming in yearly than being without that advantage et all…

...so its evident that gossip has a strong controlling potential on our mind…rumours about any cricket player makes better headlines than the actual happening if any…we always have fun time talking about others…even if public sub jaanti hain goes the saying but we seldom care for the reality...we take gossip as a tool to acquire infos about others… don’t we do tat yes we do…

...and we enjoy to add some masala to it when we pass it on…rit?...

Dravid resign, Dhoni redesign

2007-09-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

Dravid, the wall was made captain in a high voltage drama with the best bharat captain dada dumped! And his resignation, came as a Tyson punch…

...if dada dump was a kitchen sink act, Dravid threw in bathtub at BCCI… he was a reluctant captain, and when you are one you follow as per guidelines, the text books were out for once and Dravid learnt the lessons by heart them and implement the very next day…

...dravid was in every sense was unlike an Indian, he made the five–year plans and practise them too… but dada was different he acted and changed plans (if there was one) as per the situation demand of the time… but then no pulling on Dravid, he was a wonderful captain, complete gentleman, a complete batsman, one of the very best in cricket…

...but then came in the Dhoni storm who shook us all with his par excellent batting and being a team member… now donning not just his gloves but the Taj of being Indian captain too… and he has started off well, winning the inaugural version of slam-bang twenty20 world cup… now the tough task of containing with kangaroos and Pakis later on…

...so there was all indication of him being the right man for the job in his debut tournament as skipper…

...we all saw that huge sixes of yuvi and what led to all that was a confrontation with freddie but there was a moment in the tussle when yuvi jst had a glance at skipper as in a way asking “shall I go ahead?” and lo! Came the reply chak de yuvi…

...that gesture talks a lot about the good will amongst the team...

...his selection of bowlers for the bowl-out versus Pakistan… he backs his instinct and has undeniable and at times overflowing confidence in his pack of wolves… joginder given last over in the crucial encounters and innovative field placing and his way of calling spade a spade…

...that’s what we want from a captain, an undeterred, zealous skipper who skips ego and serves the national flag with his best artillery – team India …

...way to go before anyone can conclude on how good or bad he is gonna get but for now … he is the king and hats off to young and restless teams charioteer… rit?

All ‘rotten’ eggs are not bad after all

2007-09-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Remember the bloke you always used to taunt in class, well ‘coz he used to smell like a pig…or a rotten egg…

...remember any, ah you must have that ‘one’ somewhere in your class or clan…ok now you figure out one…well then there always used to be a difference of opinion as to how bad he smell or if he smells at all…and you thought those who felt the other way were all turds…well now it turns out that they were not…

…here’s why?...according to US researchers a man’s body odour, the fragrance or stench is in the nose of the beholder…what the US suggest to us is that a single gene may determine how people perceive body odour…

...that explains why the same sweaty chap smell like vanilla to some…rit?

Why Sharapovas are chasing Indian men

2007-09-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

Russian men, well what can be said about them, they are prone to high death rate owing largely to unhealthy lifestyles.

...so the amazing Russian beauty pies are considering importing eligible bachelors from India…

...yeah, true you see Indian men promise to be the ideal spouse for them; well that’s what they think…

why Indian men?

…1. both Russians and Indians are Indo-Europeans!!!

…2. both speak related languages (many similarities between Sanskrit and modern Russian vocabularies)… so don’t know Sanskrit, learn it, cant you do that much for a Russian lass… “karm kar phal ki chinta mat kar”…results will follow-up soon...

…3. Indian men in the ultimate pater familias, wikipedia says the honour goes to latin and roman but guess we Indians are the ultimate big daddies…

…4. India’s population a testimony to our boiling hormone bursting every now and then, and compare to Russia the death rate is far better to birth rates…

…*. the condition is so pathetic that Russian government is considering giving men folk off days to have sex and make babies…

…what the f*** are you still reading on, get a passport, fly high…

…you have a lot of ‘work’ to catch up on…rit?

All news in bharat is breaking news

2007-09-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Toast of the nation now n-deal, has once

again brought the skeletons out of media’s closet the push button that made media what it is today…the brain child of media barons – breaking news…a new kind of media circus...

…PM says this, super PM says that, hard nut karat flays both, soft butt yechuri cools all and alls well when pranab da enters with dagger drawn…

… whatever it is whatever they say and do is breaking news…

…till date there has not been a forgone conclusion to this nuke drama and thanks to breaking news India is heading for mid term polls, says who?

...says breaking news and print and India today this very week with a common outlook too …want any more confirmation…

...but in all this hallabulla the opposition couldn’t gain much, their protest just had a whimper effect but thanks to ever trust worthy breaking news BJP too got a chance to wail and cry, bark and bite…and that all happen with ram setu and a query if ram exist at all…now upa finds itself being ram’d…

...thanks to breaking news dormant names like vhp, uma bharati and all are back to page 1…

...its imp to mention uma bharati’s name in full or one may take uma as uma khurana, the sting’d school teacher… breaking news made all them celebrities too…

...and when talking off celebrities breaking news had been courteous to them too john and bips split up more times then they were together… what more the no frill couple bebo-kapoor broke apart too…and all this news breakings do end up making the news presenters a celebrity too...

...but all hell broke loose when hearsay shahrukh and farah had a big fight this mix up too thanks to breaking news…

...the latest victim of breaking news were the coastal belt folks who found to their misery breaking news warning them of a possible tsunami 10 times only to retract it few seconds on...

in a way breaking news is fine, for now we know all about biharis laluisms… get to keep count on mallaikas kisses, get to see the famous bachachan gate forever...

...all thanks to breaking news…so this piece could be conclude by saying that breaking news is good for tv today for times now and for all living in new delhi, noida, mallu land, madrasi and mumbai too…so for now close by saying chak de India (say this upfront and at end is mandatory too, says who?…f*** off you if you don’t know who)…rit?

Macho men not game for women!!!

2007-09-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Muscle men turn out to be bad partners in long term plays, that’s what a phoren durham univ survey says…

...so, its like muscle men are good enough material when it comes to fling but thumbs down for their long term commitments…

...its made known that man’s persona holds the top priority when lass hunt for lads…

...so biggest and shortest muscle are good for one night stand but being gentlemen holds key for long night stands for long days…months…years…

…so, as of now slim-trim-chocos, the flavour of the season, & no need to slog it out in gym at sun rise…but some mannerism when sun set and a good play in moon night will do…rit?

God's lovely angel goes bald

2007-09-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

First it was kerala girls kutti red pony that got all attention and now it is when she is without them yes…the lovely tresses have all gone… no she hadn’t had a freak night out and end up doing a Britney act… but this one was for a Nagesh Kukunoor’s next flick – Aashayein… yes that’s the name of Chak De India girl, Anaita Nair aka Aliya Bose’s next work out…

...so was it a happy game?

“When Nagesh told me that I was selected for his film I was really happy. however, after that he told me that I would have to shave my head off.”

...so what was her reaction to the whole situation?

“I was taken aback but soon recovered and agreed to it. knowing nagesh, it was definitely required for the character.”

...so what’s her oscar role all about?

“I play the character of this girl called padma who suffers from cancer. even john abraham suffers from cancer in the film. we both land at the same hospice and that is where the story unfolds”.

...so how easy or difficult was to see her hair go off?

“It did not actually make a difference to me when it was being cut but my mother was howling and crying. I think she cared for my hair more than I did.”

...hope it doesn’t make difference to this sweet even if the film sank without a trace, after all hair gone will grow tomorrow and this will be just the start of a long ride ahead…rit?

Death becomes ‘her’ in north India

2007-09-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

SHOCK!!!...girl life is hard in India, especially north of India… now it is made known that the life is not too long in years for them… nearly half of all female deaths in the hindi belt are of girls below the age of 20…

…out of these, 42 per cent of the deaths are of girls who haven't yet celebrated their fifth birthday…

…shocking news doesn't end here... the worst of states is Rajasthan where its 49 per cent and close on heels is UP at 47…

…girl child should be lucky to even be up for books or even a child marriage…

…the dark revelations of north gets slightly brighten up by south India… only over 7 pc of deaths in Kerala are of girls below 20 years of age; TN and Maharashtra come next at, 13 pc and 17…

...south is heaven for girl child and hope the same turns a haven for those up north…rit?

Cindy deplaned for ‘skimpy’ outfit!!!

2007-09-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

A 23-yr-old chick who boarded a Southwest Airlines plane in a short skirt for a flight to Arizona was led off the plane for wearing an outfit that was considered too skimpy (poor fellows surely haven’t see aunt Pamela or apna rakhi sawant).

Southwest employee: "You’re dressed inappropriately. This is a family airline. You're too provocative to fly on this plane.”

Poor Cindy: “What part is it?”

Southwest employee: “The shirt? The skirt?”

Poor Cindy: Which part?

Southwest employee: “The whole thing.”

Cindy was eventually allowed back on the plane after offering to adjust with a sweater…

But I say why taking such risk jst cancel the trip and the catch a Kingfisher airline to India…

Mehmanawaji hamara dharm hain… rit?

'Medical miracle' triplets

2007-09-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

God gracious, this makes you believe in God…

...Amy, Kim and Zoe, three lucky ones beat odds of 200 million-to-one as naturally conceived identical triplets…

...so any probs:…not really a simple problem to make out which one is Amy, Kim and Zoe…that’s it…

...doctors call this a ‘medical sensation’ and are still uncertain of what caused a single fertilised egg to split into three on what they suppose was the sixth day of pregnancy…

...experts say the chances of having three identical triplets from the same egg is one in 200 million, while having identical twins is one in 1,000…

...hey, you could be the lucky enough to be the proud parent… but jst a small prob that chance is just one in a 1000…

...so, if you don’t want to leave it to fate… you know what to do… hit it baby one thousand time…rit?

PORN lower puberty age in China

2007-09-09T15:55:00.001-07:00

In China, speed is the name of the game…economy…work culture…BUT…this is the unexpected of them all…maybe where fair sex is concerned the unexpected always happen…rit?

…in a Chinese province, the average age of puberty has reached 11 years from the previous level of 13 years…some girls young as ten are experiencing the menstrual cycle…

…the reason: wider exposure to pornography and preference to high-protein foods responsible for early onset of puberty…

…there is a danger of children becoming sexually precocious if parents do not protect their children from the exposure to pornographic materials...

…well, we Indians are fast catching up on Chinese…we don’t want us to follow this one… rit?

Why Garfield is the next 'SEX GOD'

2007-09-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

You are a workaholic who doesn’t get enough sleep or your working hours deprive you of the pillow… (Probably you don’t work in the New Indian Express)

…all this for some extra cash…then beware…less hours of sleep has a direct knock-on impact on sex… yes dimag ki bati jaali…

...sleep deprivation is triggering erection problems, a sex researcher has warned at an international sleep conference…

...but it doesn’t kill the man in you, as this lack of sleep and sex is triggering a rare and disturbing condition called sleep sex, or sexsomnia, when their libido (sexual desire) is heightened and they initiate sex while asleep…

...so next time your stuff is not up then don’t blame it as tension of money probs, childrens or…your wife… it’s the lack of sleep…

...so, now the honours for the sex god goes to – Garfield ‘the cat’… rit?

Oops it almost came down…again!!!

2007-09-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

India Fashion Week…is a hub when it happens for all out of work bollystars… they set the eyeballs rolling and flashbugs lighting up… but this one time in this bad world of flesh and flash one girl got all the attention… well names Carol Gracias… remember the model that made the phrase ‘wardrobe malfunctioning’ a household name… well well…

...this time too it all came down, no it didn’t. It didn’t, but it could have… but it didn’t… SORRY… Ok, maybe it almost did! It could have, but she had ‘protection’…. SORRY again…

…poor soul she has to walk that ‘not so rosy’ ramp, to keep her job and don’t become another Geetanjali Nagpal…

...remember the once upon a time top model now forced to beg for a living, an astonishing tale of a person going from riches to rags…

…so even if Carol’s dress malfunctions again she has to keep ramping… to keep breathing… that’s life… rit?